For many adults with autism, a diagnosis comes later in life. It can be a shocking revelation, but also a turning point in their lives. That was the case for me; I did not even realize my neurodivergence until my son received his own autism diagnosis. That is when I realized the signs in myself. In this blog post, I will share with you the signs I saw in myself, the ones my loved ones saw in me growing up, and the self-diagnosis tests I used. This information does not in any way replace a formal diagnosis from a healthcare professional.
I personally chose not to receive a formal diagnosis. The cost can be exorbitant. The tests can be difficult to schedule, with a waitlist of months to years. I decided that, for me, a formal diagnosis would not change what I already knew to be true for my neurology.
What Signs of Autism Did I See in Myself?
Hyperfocus
One of the first signs I noticed in myself was my hyperfocus. I can focus so strongly on something I am interested in that all else fades away. I will focus so intently that I can forget to eat, drink, or go to the bathroom. I can tune out others as well, working so intently that I lose track of time. Can this happen to neurotypicals? Of course! But it is the frequency and intensity of the hyperfocus for autistics that is unique. It can make it impossible to focus on other things until the object of hyperfocus is “complete”. It makes me an excellent worker! I will need to work on something completely until I feel it is finished.
Eye Contact
I find it challenging to look directly into someone else’s eyes. I always thought it was because I am shy and introverted. At one point, I even blamed it on my upbringing and culture!
Come to find out, I have a very common symptom of autism: difficulty with eye contact. It makes me feel deeply uncomfortable.
Stimming
Many people tend to think of stimming (self-stimulation) in autism as hand-flapping, screaming, spinning in circles, or rocking back and forth.
Because I do none of those things, being autistic wasn’t something that crossed my mind. Funny thing is, I DO stim!
Some stims that are less common include chewing straws, foot tapping, finger rubbing, hair twirling, or playing with your pen.
My common stims are rocking my legs or tapping my feet, rubbing my fingers or hands together, playing with my jewelry or lanyard, and biting my lips.
Perfectionism
Perfectionism isn’t in itself a symptom of autism. I always called myself a perfectionist. I had to have things ‘just so.’ I had to be in charge so that things went a particular way. I had a specific order for my things, a particular schedule that must be followed, and defined expectations for how things should go.
I called this my perfectionism. I thought, if anything, I might have a bit of anxiety. Little did I know that this was due to my dislike of change, my all-or-nothing thinking, and my attention to detail. These are all wonderful traits–they can become disabling when these expectations absorb a person.
Next Steps
Once I saw these things as suggestions that my brain might be neurodivergent, I decided I needed to know if I was actually autistic. I was able to find a wonderful resource, Embrace Autism, that provides free screening tests online. For a fee, they can also provide you with an autism assessment, if a diagnosis is something you feel is necessary. The autism community fully embraces self-diagnosis, as the costs can be very high and the wait times, especially for adults, can be long. Often, by the time one reaches adulthood, we have found coping skills, have careers, and self-diagnosis is helpful for our own mental health and self-acceptance.